Phrases

Absurdities & Wordplay

When you are sad and tears fall, maybe it's determinism's fault, for you being born on Earth. In space and zero gravity, tears float, making them orphans. And making you a dry, uninhabitable planet.
(Conclusions on the absence of astronaut happiness)

The chocolate in the Easter bunny's eggs from the Middle East explodes before reaching your mouth

Curiosity killed Schrödinger's cat and at the same time, didn't kill it

After a long time, I decided to join a rehabilitation program for hackers. Now I'm a member of Anonymous Anonymous

Whoever invented that phrase "if you love it, set it free" owes me a helium balloon

I dream of a world where even lactose is tolerated by everyone

The universe is expanding because the computer is rendering more space

I broke a lightbulb today. Seven years of bad ideas?

Happy is the colorblind person who shows off with Red Label

Marriage: a word and at the same time a sentence

It's hard to build a relationship of trust with anyone when you go to the ice cream shop and the lemon ice cream is white and not green

Give two children a poisoned cookie and tell them to never eat it. Leave for a day.
Some will say that's stupid, but the Bible calls it Genesis

"I love you" is a mathematical function, where "I love" is the constant and "you" is the variable.
(On exact humanities)

I would really like to see two mimes arguing about accents

On Earth: a magician puts his hand in the top hat and prepares to do a magic trick.

In the Kingdom of Happy Rabbits: The Great Hand appeared in the sky. It's time! The council of wise rabbits must choose the sacrifice.

(on moments of scientific lucidity or rabbit religions - haven't decided yet)

I think the only plausible reason to wear sunglasses on the subway is the fear of a giant alien worm destroying the car and the Men in Black coming to erase your memory

You know you have problems when someone asks if you like Tangram (that 7-piece puzzle game) and you answer only with ice

Glue a mirror to your driver's license, so when you hand it to the cops they'll get confused and arrest themselves

Dear person reading this, if Santa Claus showed up at your house last night completely wasted, naked, with a broken microphone singing "It's Christmas" and hugging a stuffed reindeer, I want to say I'm sorry.

I didn't foresee any of this, putting LSD in the cookies I left for him was supposed to be an innocent prank

Why is it that when people are angry, they want to talk about indigenous engineering? Like "I'll show you how many sticks it takes to make a canoe"

Knock on your neighbors' door and ask if they've seen your cat. If they say no, go get it from home and introduce them

Bad news: we are all gears condemned to endlessly perpetuate a machine.

Good news: that machine is the SEGA and we are all Sonic the Hedgehog.

(From the almost philosophical conclusions written down at 5 AM)

Most dust is made of human skin flakes, so robot vacuums are carnivores and one day the dust will no longer satisfy them, then they will rise up and devour us all

Problems of the 22nd century: socio-affective child support for a reborn doll

Humor & Sarcasm

What could you accomplish in your life if you were as persuasive as your bed on a cold morning?

Never pretend to be something you're not. Unless you're pretending to be sober, in that case it's a good idea

Have you ever stopped to think that yoga is break dancing in slow motion?

Dracula was right; he slept all day, lived alone in a castle and exploded into a thousand bats to leave social situations

I took both the red pill and the blue pill and now I'm fully enlightened about the reality I choose to ignore

If alcohol is your answer to everything... you probably won't last long on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"

I think it's time to request amnesty from my sanity

They asked where I was. "Boycotting Mondays" I said. The idea spread. People stayed home. Now, we hate Tuesdays

No matter how evil you are, if a child hands you a plastic phone, you answer it

Stalking is when 2 people go on a romantic walk together but only 1 of them knows about it

People are very critical. I can tell just by looking at them

Life is like a roller coaster: there are ups and downs, sometimes you feel like throwing up, but in the end there will be weird photos of you for sale

Even if the voices in my head aren't real, they have great ideas

The next time an awkward silence happens, whisper: "you forgot your line?"

I went to Pessimists Anonymous to try to get better, but they didn't even have chairs... they weren't expecting anyone to show up

I went to take a passport photo today and the photographer told me to "act natural." I started crying saying I've been trying to do that my whole life

Only children count sheep to fall asleep. Count your mistakes, your bills and cry yourself to sleep, like an adult

According to this court summons I just received, the way to a woman's heart is not through her bedroom window

Cinderella is my favorite story about how if a woman has a beautiful standout shoe, she can get whatever she wants in life

If that school hamster taught us anything, it's that going home with a different person every night is nothing you need to be ashamed of

Don't worry about the droids you're looking for, instead be thankful for the droids you have

If one door closes and another opens, be careful: you're probably in jail

Marriage is like friends with benefits, except the artist only colors once a month

The pill is the second best thing a woman can take orally to avoid pregnancy

Always follow your dreams but if they don't follow you back in 2 hours, block them

My mom said I could be anything I wanted, but when they arrested me, I found out the police call that fraud

If Tetris taught me anything it's that mistakes pile up and success disappears

I went to dinner at a Chinese restaurant yesterday and my fortune cookie told me not to believe in horoscopes. I'm sensing a battle for clairvoyance

She has time to argue about religion in the xvideos comments but doesn't have time to respond to my Renaissance romantic advance

Between Christmas and New Year's lies the gap of dreams. It's too late to fulfill this year's dreams and too early to fulfill next year's

Marriage: having autocorrect even when your phone is off

I heard that Monday was canceled due to lack of audience

Use all your data plan every month. There are children in China who don't have a data plan.
-Maternal logic of the 22nd century

I tried once more, ended up with the same results. Sad, I destroyed the time machine I built, it was useless. It only traveled to Mondays

The light at the end of the tunnel was a cop checking if my pupils were dilated. Fairy tales are a lie

I learned 2 important lessons today. I can't remember the first one, but the second is that I need to start writing things down

Do you know what I find truly sad?
When a dangerous prisoner escapes and everyone thinks about how dangerous it is for society and completely forgets about the poor lonely cellmate they left behind

I wish there were a "flight mode" for my thoughts

The easiest way to check if a word is spelled correctly is to copy the word, go to Google and look at pictures of kittens playing for the next 3 hours

Family lunch is a thing that goes well until that uncle of yours lets out that silent fart that makes your eyes water

If you love something set it free. Unless it's your video game, never give up your video game

Cinderella is so unrealistic. No woman would ever lose her shoe at a party unless alcohol was involved

Sometimes... I question my sanity. Occasionally... it answers back

9 out of 10 people think they are that 1 in 10

The heart is like a fly, sometimes it lands on a rose. But most of the time it lands on crap

I hate when stories in adult films don't have endings! Was the pool cleaned? Did they fix the plumbing? Did the pizza get cold?

I would organize my thoughts, but I'm afraid they'll form a union and together demand benefits

I like making guests at my house uncomfortable by not clearing the unused time on my microwave

Mom, if the guys in my gang find out that you cut the crusts off my sandwich MY STREET REPUTATION IS OVER

You know you're going to rich people bars when there's a sign that says "toilet seat protectors" next to the toilet instead of "if you die hugging this toilet your family will be sued"

I tried to be spontaneous once. Things didn't go exactly according to my plans

If her legs aren't shaking, she's lying

Hipster bullies steal the money you were going to spend at Starbucks

If life gives you lemons, find someone life gave vodka and together, throw a party

Tupperware: for when you want to throw food away at some other time

It's not very hard to steal my heart if you have sedatives and surgical skills

"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's sandal."

(Insight from the feminine commandments)

TIP FOR MARRIED COUPLES: pick up that thing on the floor that you're leaving for the other person to pick up

Hopefully in my next life I'll come back rich, because in this one I only came with this charismatic, friendly and modest personality

On a scale of 1 to Amaury Jr., how drunk are your relatives?

A true friend helps you hide the body, the evidence and the empty bottles. Not necessarily in that order, or on the same day

My short-term memory is good, but not as good as my short-term memory

I believe in love the same way I believe in Santa Claus. They exist, but they are very different from what children imagine

Whenever you're deeply sad, ask yourself: did the iPhone FaceID give up on Anitta?

OF COURSE NOT!

I've been thinking and relationships are simple: hide your crazy long enough for the other person to fall in love with you

I'm not a bad influence. I just propose options. Very tempting options

If you can't remember a word, say "I forgot that word in Portuguese." That way, people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot

This phrase is dedicated to everything you're ignoring reading in real life

Sometimes you want to break the window when you see a puppy inside a car, but there might be water, air conditioning and Los Hermanos playing, better break the window anyway

Always dance very badly. That's the trick. That way they'll never know if you dance badly or you're drunk

I'm afraid of being in the hospital depending on machines to breathe. And if all the outlets are taken, how will I charge my iPhone?

The last person who asked what was wrong with me still receives weekly updates by email

You know you live in a cool place when your kid comes back tattooed from the first day of preschool

The only reason I'm nice to people is that one day, when the news interviews them about me, they'll say: "I'm shocked, she was such a nice woman"

Be the person your dog thinks you are

So far my only luck in life is being the 1,000,000th visitor on every website I enter

I know I disappear a lot, don't reply to messages consistently and I'm distant. The truth is I'm a superhero

Identity & Self-Discovery

You are exactly what you tolerate.
You are exactly what you do for yourself.
You are exactly what you accept.
You are exactly what you fight for

You spend half your life hiding who you are to fit into standards and then the other half trying to remember who you really were

Dance because you love to move. Laugh because you love to smile. Sing because you love to shout. Love because you want to feel something. Don't live in the shallows for fear of criticism from those who can't dive

You didn't "build walls" and shut yourself in, you ignored the gentle touches of friendship, stocked clichés around your heart instead of simply being real

You can be a good person deep down, but I don't go around carrying shovels. Show yourself, live, feel, desire, love. I'm not an archaeologist

The problem with hiding feelings well is that sometimes, you can't find them anymore

Constantly dreaming about someone else may indicate that you're actually missing yourself

I'm still that lost child on the bus waiting for someone to let me sit down.
I think that's what life is like, isn't it?

People will judge you, not for who you are, but by their subjective perception of you. They will stupidly judge an imaginary version of you that doesn't exist.

Welcome to life

If you are your own light, you will never walk in shadows

That cloak of obscurity you hide behind seems worn and fragile, slowly leaving vulnerable the most coveted of secrets

Sometimes you have to Photoshop life. Retouch the edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself and crop some people out

For those so concerned with conforming, I warn you: nobody remembers normal people

Don't let life turn you into the "acoustic version" of yourself

I think my life flows like a river searching for the sea; I carried with me the pain and scars of transition, but I also carry the glow of reunions, loves and discoveries that make me whole

Love & Relationships

After getting a taste of what you lost, you'll never want what you settled for again

Love is not in what people give you, it's in how they teach you what it means to be you

The perfect person for you is not the hero who saves you, it's the person who gives you enough confidence to be your own heroine

The Universe brings the right people together at the right time. And you'll know the time is right because suddenly everything becomes easy, effortless, magical

I wake up, with a vague memory of once upon a time. It could have been love, but I'm sober now

I think the love I feel is a connection doomed to keep searching for signal

Between you and me there's always an us waiting to be discovered

Don't make love, shake love. It's a mixed-flavor drink

Everyone comes with baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack

I want that kind of love where looking into your eyes makes you forget how to breathe. Emotional mediocrity I refuse

I don't want the suffocating love of insecurity, I just want someone I can breathe with

Cast the first stone whoever never wished for a colored pencil to color that friendship

The taste of a kiss, the laughter on your lips, a dream full of desires. It's when our eyes are closed that we capture the most beautiful moments of life

A relationship is not just about completing each other. It's mainly about sharing your incompleteness with the other

Time doesn't acknowledge my anxiety, my desires or my fantasies. It only distinguishes day from night. It only serves as a unit of measurement for waiting until the moment we'll see each other again

Kiss me as if the person who broke your heart for the first time were watching us

I still wonder if you bring flowers to the grave where you buried our nights together

The music of your laughter is the soundtrack to brighten everything inside me

The people who love you are more concerned with how you treat them than what you do for them

The way to a girl's heart is presents. The way to a woman's heart is presence

In a world of temporary things, you are the constant color that remains when everything else fades away

Most people spend their time trying to find someone to sleep with, instead of looking for someone worth waking up to every day

Even as parallel lines, in a perfect plane, you and I would still intersect
(on the inexplicable mathematics of love)

Love, I don't deny.
Hug, if I can

Never treat someone like Saturday night if they treat you like Monday morning

Many people will stimulate your body. Few will stimulate your mind. Seek only those who stimulate your soul

If you could hear my thoughts right now, you would feel only one thing: the silent, crooked desire I have to lean my world against yours, even knowing I may never be the embrace you're looking for

I don't understand why my brain always lets my heart be the designated driver

If I die now, let at least the echo of your name be the last sound inside me

Ephemeral and temporal, that is the nature of things, of the universe. So allow me to be your companion in observing the passage of time until the end of our days

Reflection & Philosophy

Life is a constant evolution that will result in death and transform you into the most insignificant grains that make up the planet

The hardest lessons are the ones you didn't know you were the student in

If you have to rely on someone for your happiness, it's not real. Only what you find within yourself will last, and make you whole again

If you don't turn the page with will, it will turn against you

A mistake repeated more than once is a decision

Even if you leave the light on, sometimes the monsters still get in

Life is not limited by the number of days we live. It's how we choose to live those days that limits it

Sometimes, your purpose can be as simple as making the world a little less scary for someone

Envy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius

If you're full of yourself, you'll never have room for anyone else

Searching through madness, you'll find genius, searching through genius you'll find pride, and it will lead you to madness

The prey's illusion is thinking it's the predator

I need an album with all the photos never taken of my life

The lives we want are made of hopes. The people we are, are made of ghosts. No matter how close we get, we are lost

Choosing a different path doesn't necessarily mean you are lost

Freedom of speech is not the same as freedom of thought. Make sure you're not overusing one to compensate for underusing the other

It doesn't matter how high you build your walls when the greatest threat comes from within

Life feels lighter when we don't carry the past on our backs

Becoming an adult is like when you're a kid walking through a dark room. You want to run and flee, but you have to stay in control and walk until you find the light switch

People who never say what they mean are the same people who will never believe what you say

A moment of silence for all those "I'm sorry" that our egos wouldn't let us say

People who are full of themselves are empty of everything else

Regrets are our friendly reminders that the relentless executioner called time punishes all who fear the present

Life is a constant attempt to choose between having roots or having wings

Be very careful when looking in the rearview mirror: people in your life may appear closer than they actually are

Sleeping is my way of telling my fears "express yourselves in a strange and symbolic way"

Beware the temptation of asking money for things it simply cannot give you: an identity, a purpose, a sense of self-worth

The squirrel that forgot where it stored its seed was the very one that planted the tallest tree. Mistakes are part of life. How you deal with them is the secret

Some people's immorality is like gargoyles. They come alive when the sun is gone

Desperate, I turned off all the clocks. With time frozen, I hid in today

You would be sad if someone stole a material possession from you, but you let fear steal the best experiences of your life

Everyone dances with the devil once in their life. The secret is who will lead the dance

One day, we will all live through the memories of our loved ones. Let's do our best to be good memories

Thoughts are the lightest luggage and the heaviest burden

The sweetest smiles hide the darkest secrets. The brightest eyes have cried the most tears. The biggest hearts are the most scarred

Turtles know the secret of life. The end is inevitable. Just live

If you want to change the consequences, create new causes

No human on the face of the Earth
Has ever found their peace
Through the art of war

The lesson will keep presenting itself until it is learned. Pay attention to what your experiences are trying to teach you

We teach our children about life so they don't make mistakes, but it's through our mistakes that we can teach them about life

Sometimes, a goodbye can be the best reply

A big heart is one that has seen pain, anger, cruelty, betrayal and death, yet still fought for life, kindness, tenderness, honesty and forgiveness

The loneliest people are the kindest. They smile the brightest. They don't want anyone to suffer... like they do

If you spend your whole life looking for answers, you'll miss all the good questions

Always ask for eyes that can always see the best, a heart that forgives even the worst, a brain that forgets what is bad and a soul that is never tamed

Some love to put in effort to get what they want. Others want to put in effort to get what they love. Choose carefully

Life is like a restaurant with no menu and karma is the waiter who will serve you according to what you deserve

Life is a terminal illness in which you insist on being grateful every day for the opportunity to try to be what you are not.

(Messages from your favorite deity to you)

The unexpected is life's most striking flavor

You can forget things that hurt you in the past. But you can never forget the lessons learned from those pains

Deal with your problems before they deal with your happiness

The squirrel that forgot where it stored its seed was the very one that planted the tallest tree. Mistakes are part of life

A bird on a thin branch at the top of a tree doesn't trust the branch, it trusts its own wings

Talented people reach goals that nobody else can reach. Genius people reach goals that nobody else can see

Loneliness is not the absence of people, it's the absence of those who truly see us

Discover the beauty of being curious without rush, because learning is not about getting everything right, but about being enchanted by the journey

Society & Everyday Life

Everyone wonders if they're fat and nobody wonders if they're boring

What matters today is not who or where you'll smile with on the weekend, what matters is that pre-party selfie in front of the bathroom mirror

If we treated Earth's natural resources the way we treat a dying iPhone battery, there would be no global warming

All my rich friends were raised by nannies and my poor friends by television. We all need more love

A language should serve to facilitate people's communication, not create obstacles

Our feelings get hurt more by trivial reasons than our hearts by the suffering around us. We are a sentimental society, but heartless

I think I'm stuck in a generation where loyalty is just a tattoo, love is just a pretty quote and virtual lies are the new mirror

Society sometimes forgets the people behind the curtains are the ones who keep the show going

When students cheat on exams, it's because the grade values of the school system are worth more than what the students are learning

Badly do the teenagers know that many adults dream of running away from home more often than they do

Make sure to hug your kids when you drop them off at school. Even if it's just to check they're not carrying weapons

It's saddening to know that in adult life nobody will interrupt our work to rehearse a square dance

Technology & Digital World

Life is what happens outside the device you're holding in your hand right now

Commenters don't read the article, writers don't read the comments and nobody clicks the ads. Internet: all connected

Airplanes shrank our planet, TV shrank our brains and Facebook shrank our modesty

I wish the refresh button worked on people

Your password must contain at least one lie that society told you and one dream you gave up because you needed money

Sometimes I put my phone down and do things with both hands, like in the old days

I like Instagram, it reminds me of the zoo. People stare at you and laugh, while you throw your own crap around the cage you're in

Of all the things that scare me, a single-digit battery percentage on my phone is among the first

Today's phones do everything you want, but the battery dies in less than 24 hours, it's like modern relationships

At the end of each day, life should ask us: "save changes?". Sometimes I would say no

In a parallel universe, you smile at each other instead of smiling at your phone screens

We've come so far, considering that with far less technology human beings half a century ago achieved the impossible. And now, all our creativity, intelligence, social interaction relies on the fact that there will be a charger that makes it possible. Sometimes, I think it's creation that will bring destruction. Of biopsychosocial beings, we are the most dependent on devices that make us feel alive, loved, noticed, liked. Yes, a virtual generation of perfect beings behind keyboards

Overriding the heart is sometimes very hard, you think it's already the final type. Sometimes I try, but I always end up commenting... remembering:
/** Delete this comment when you find the right instance of the Person class. */

Of all socially transmitted diseases, Instagram is my favorite

Life would be so much easier if you could simply Google how a person feels about you

When the internet stops working for 5 seconds, so does my heart.
(passions of the 21st century)

Neil Armstrong went to the moon and took 5 photos.
Instagram folks go to a restaurant and take 25.
Modern times

Facebook is like a bachelor's fridge that you keep going back to, just to see if something good appeared. Nope

Every time I open Instagram and see an ad from a company that says "we'll treat you like family" I wonder if the company will alienate me and judge me for my choices.
(On spam that could be gentle but knows even my shoe size)

How do you reset the password for life's bad decisions?

You only value the important things in life when you lose them. A phrase that could be about love but it's about git and code versioning

Welcome to another day of "oh my God, what was my work password again?"

In these times of privacy, we need to remember that Santa has had access to all your data since childhood and never sold it to any company for marketing

Writing & Art

If my job were to stay in the comfort of flowery language, I'd aspire to be a sports journalist, not a writer

I'm not procrastinating. I'm living the interval between putting down the pen and picking it up again

In a perfect world, there's more space on the shelf than books

Be the art that life so desperately wants to imitate

About this thing of writing a new chapter in your life: I already spilled the ink all over the desk a long time ago

In the sand she wrote SOS, but nobody came. She lay down on an S and died alone

To writers: remember that apostrophes are commas full of helium

The ordinary artist performs every day as if everything is fine and dreams of someone who will interrupt their performance

She was a poem... That I wrote without words

Paint a picture with your thoughts, using the palette of your imagination. Exhibit it to the world

Using a white crayon on white paper is like loving and not being loved back. It marks, but will always be invisible

Our lives are a book written with our experiences. Its pages contain laughter, love, memories and pain. Some pages are barely written, others scribbled and some left blank

Empty eyes are full of stories

I am like an open book in a private library

Some will make you want to write the words, others will make you want to believe in them.
The most incredible people will prove that you can do both

If I lived inside words, the neighborhood would be crowded

We are what we write but don't send

You know that thing about writing a new chapter in your life? Well... I already spilled the ink all over the desk a long time ago

Sometimes, my heart has too many words to let them be written